Legal Ramblings
[ Saturday, August 20, 2005 (11:48 PM) ] ( link )
Little Lytton: The Little Lytton contest (a shorter, punchier version of the Bulwer-Lytton contest) is pretty damned funny. Here's the only rule: "Your task is to write the first sentence of an imaginary novel. Your goal is to make it hilariously bad. The maximum sentence length is 25 words." As an example, the contest organizer gives the following: "Jennifer stood there, quietly ovulating."
Some other favorites of mine, from previous years' contests. With the exception of the first, they are roughly arranged from least favorite to most favorite: For centuries, man had watched the clouds; now, they were watching him. [Submitted by Stephen Sachs. This line also featured in one of our Herbert the Walrus comic strips.]
Before I got hit by that ole bus, I never used to think much, but now I think PLENTY.
Monica had exploded, and I had a mystery, and pieces of her pancreas, on my hands.
The inner workings of the kidney, which you will no doubt find quite interesting, can, albeit shocking to some, be downright astonishing to others.
The cosmonauts were transfixed with wonderment as the sun set--over the Earth--[their] lucklessly untethered Comrade Todd on fire.
Turning, I mentally digested all of what you, the reader, are about to find out heartbreakingly.
Hank, Herculean therapist, cleansed the Augean stables of my soul.
Dr. Metzger turned to greet his new patient, blithely unaware that he would soon become a member of a secret brotherhood as old as urology itself. [This sounds like a Far Side caption.]
Juicy, their love was like forbidden fruit: tasty.
Michael had always wanted to lactate.
I am pleased to announce that, although attitudes have improved immensely, the beatings will continue.
Maria's flossing was now complete. [Also a terrible final line.]
Leon fell out of the goat.
The night passed like a kidney stone: painfully and with the help of major sedatives.
The pain wouldn't stop, and Vern still had three cats left.
In 3010, the potatoes triumphed.
And the funniest Little Lytton line of all time: A lone testicle lay in a barren field.
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